My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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