Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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