My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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