So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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