we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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