I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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