I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize