____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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