that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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