I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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