for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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