Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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