trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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