Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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