That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize