I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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