Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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