Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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