you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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