**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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