I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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