Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize