you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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