They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just invented taco cereal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize