Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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