if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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