just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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