Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize