I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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