i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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