i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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