how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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