My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize