I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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