I just pynch a tree in the face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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