so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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