I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize