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just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
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