You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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