did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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