Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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