Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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