Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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