So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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