I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize