this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize