Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize