He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Watching her eat just hurts me
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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