I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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