You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I currently don't understand fingers.
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